Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize