i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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