you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
