The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sober January is a disaster.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize