I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
