Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
