3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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