I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize