Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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