Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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