Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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