Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
