he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
