ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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