bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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