you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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