2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
