have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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