shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
