The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
