the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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