It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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