So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
