So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize