Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
