I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Randomize
