We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
