I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize