I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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