Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Terrible idea I love it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
