dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
