i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
