Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
