are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't deserve a penis
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
