Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
