i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
