Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
