I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
