and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
