you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
