her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
