Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
