I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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