Whod you bang
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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