Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
