I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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