and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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