Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
