I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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