She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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