Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
