we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
