i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
