JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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