please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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