We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize