Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
