I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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