they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize