laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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