I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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