mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
