Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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