Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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