The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
