I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
