also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
