Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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