Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize