Do you still have your period?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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