and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
