I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
