There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He kissed a someone with a penis
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
