Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
