I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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