seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
