I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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