Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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