I'm going to jail i love you
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
