And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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