i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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