We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Alive.
So much puke
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize