wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
