I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
