i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
