can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
