Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
