I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
