the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
