Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
