Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
