You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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