I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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