What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
