Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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