So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize