Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
